Ask James: ‘How Do I Shake My Mistrust In A New Relationship?’

I’ve just gotten out of an eight year relationship, so much has changed, goof grief, where to begin? Laura, Dublin

Wow, the last time you were single, you could kiss a person up against a wall in a busy club while someone spilled a drink down your back – remember those glorious, mask-less, ye olde days?! Honestly, besides the lil global pandemic, nothing much has changed I guess. Online is still the main way (IMO) people are romantically connecting – clubs being open or not. Get yourself on Tinder and Bumble. Or maybe Grindr if you wanna meet some gays? The best thing, though, that you can do when you come out of a relationship is to look inward for a little bit, and fall in love with yourself again. As Ariana says, be f*ckin’ thankful for your ex, you can learn so much from them and you need a moment post-breakup to process all the lessons and feelings.

I’m dating a new guy, but I’ve trust issues as I was cheated on in the last relationship… How do I shake my mistrust? Nicole, Dublin

We have to begin a new relationship on a new leaf (albeit holding on to lessons we’ve learned about ourselves and people along the way) and not carry over bad vibes from the previous relationship – they’re not the same person. If your new bae is going to cheat, he’s going to cheat. It’s not up to you to stop a cheater cheating’ you’ve got to carry on and focus on being your own stun self. In life, if you sit around and marinate in bad vibes, you will only attract bad vibes – it’s the same in relationships.

How do I end it with someone who’s absolutely mad about me? My feelings for them have faded… Rachel, Cork

Honestly and urgency is always the best option when breaking up. It’s not fair on either of you to be living a lie and you both need to be afforded the opportunity to move on to seek happiness ASAP. I’d sit them down and just explain that you want to move on, and you want them to be able to find happiness too. I’m presuming here that they’ve been nice to you etc. Be gentle and to the point with your wishes, and avoid chats about second chances if that’s a route that you really don’t want to go down. Don’t drag it out, it’s not kind.

• ask james