Love & Sex 4th July 2019 by Valerie Loftus

Ask James: ‘The Guy I’m Seeing Has A Stinky Penis. How Do I (Subtly) Fix This Issue?’

James Kavanagh answers your questions like only a gas bitch can.

I met my boyfriend a year ago and he was really dreamy. First few months were rosy and felt very ‘he’s the one’. But for the last two months it’s as though he’s taken a personality pill and turned into someone totally different. It’s so confusing. He doesn’t come on to me anymore in bed, very distant, doesn’t seem attracted to me and kinda makes me feel really shitty. He also ‘doesn’t want to talk’ about the problems I feel we have. What do I do? Rachel, Dublin

I always find a bit of myself in the questions I get asked! I had this exact situation with an ex boyf. In his case, it was a total power thing. The more I ‘wanted’ his attention, the happier he was (internally). I drunkenly got chatting to two of his exes on a night out – the three of us were like hyper hyenas trading stories about our shared ex, gulping down G&Ts. It was actually really healing! But we all shared the same narrative: he was stunning at the start, made us feel so good and we wanted him completely. My advice for you? Leave him. It sounds toxic. And if he “doesn’t want to talk” (sounds so familiar), there’s nothing you can do.

I recently went through a bit of a health scare and would love to document the recovery on Instagram. How do you start out? I’d be a bit embarrassed speaking into the camera (especially in public!) and what if my friends slag me? Ciara, Galway

The key to good Insta-Stories is being as real as possible. You know the way you might have a ‘phone voice’ when you answer an unknown number? Don’t do that. Don’t produce yourself at all. People want realness (I think anyway)! As for being embarrassed, just plough through the nerves at the start. With each story you put out there, the easier it becomes. I was so scarlet at the start and now don’t care at all. Slide into my DMs when you’re up and running, I want to follow!

A guy I’m seeing doesn’t have the best hygiene… There’s sometimes a bit of a smegma situation. He’s so, so hot though, so I don’t want to lose him or offend him. How do I fix this, but subtly? Sandra, Dublin

Unless it’s some mad medical condition, there really is no excuse for this in 2019. He’s obviously not pulling down the hood and being very thorough when having a shower… Luckily for you this same situation happened to someone close to me recently and here’s what she did to fix the smelly D sitch: Each time they’d go to have sex she’d be like “let’s get wet and wild first!”

So she’d drag him to the shower, start kissing etc and say “close your eyes for a surprise”, then she’d secretly grab her bottle of FemFresh, squeeze a bit out and massage (clean) his D with it! And he LOVED it – apparently it just feels like an oily HJ in the shower. And hey presto, fresh penis for you!

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