Oh My God Daily Mail, Kate Middleton’s Fingers Are FINE

The Daily Mail has a new obsession, and that is the length of Kate Middleton’s fingers.

Yesterday’s paper devoted a portion of the front page and two whole pages inside to discussing her digits – the Daily Mail claims they are all the same length, and this is weird somehow. Yep, there is apparently no part of the female body that is not ripe for critique.

The Mail first brought us this important story online on March 6, when they reported on her visit to an English primary school. Here’s an excerpt from that article:

But it was Kate’s hands – and not her elegant cream ensemble – that generated the most attention on Tuesday, when the 36-year-old paid a visit to a primary school in Oxford.

Photographs taken of the pregnant mother-of-two indicate that, unusually, the central three fingers of her hands are almost the same length. Most people’s middle fingers are noticeably longer than their index or fourth fingers.

Now, I wasn’t there, but I feel like I know for certain that none of those primary school children were paying attention to her hands. I just feel it in my bones.

It’s not clear why it was decided to put the story on the front page this week, but it has only served to disprove their theory – the box drawn around her fingers clearly shows that they’re not all the same length:

So what is it about her fingers they say they’re worried about? Well, finger length can be linked to a whole variety of illnesses, and Kate’s long index finger indicates that she could have a higher risk of breast cancer, eczema, and hay fever.

But let’s not pretend they’re in any way concerned about her health so much as they are with picking over women’s bodies. Leave Kate and her fingers alone! She’s pregnant and just finished puking all the time and she doesn’t need any of this right now. What’s next for examination – celebrity earlobes? Ankles? Necks? We’re going to have to start taking bets.

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