What Even Is Rejection Therapy?

How many times have you put yourself in a position where you are more than likely going to get rejected?

Probably never! I mean… why would you do that? The idea of placing yourself in a position where the odds are not in your favour would be silly. Although, this isn’t necessarily true. 

As humans we tend to make assumptions about the future and the results of our actions before they have even happened. We always jump to the conclusion where we find ourselves in the worst-case scenario rather than the best, sort of like seeing the glass half empty. 

We refrain from taking actions which we think may lead to something negative and so in a way, we have already aligned our lives to follow down one specific path, and so we wipe away other potential opportunities.

Enter rejection therapy, a way of challenging that fear of getting rejected. Founded by the Canadian entrepreneur, Jason Comely, rejection therapy is a game created to empower fearlessness.

It’s the concept that you purposely put yourself in a position to be rejected as many times as possible with the intent of accepting the fear of dismissal, and by doing so you transform this fear into incomparable confidence.

So how does it work?

It’s simple really… set out to get rejected as many attainable times as possible. Apply for all the jobs which you do not qualify for, apply for that masters that is impossible to get, and talk to that man or woman you have convinced yourself is out of your league.

Put yourself in a setting which you would not normally find yourself in. Go entirely outside of your comfort zone and allow yourself to get rejected. It’s not your job to tell yourself ‘No’. In theory, all you have to lose is a chip of your ego. Sounds great, doesn’t it?

However, this may not always be the case. For some, rejection therapy may cause more harm than good.

In some cases, where fear of exposure to uncomfortable situations is high, then forcing yourself to face them impulsively may lead to a traumatic experience. According to the psychologist, Dr. Elisabeth Morray, it is recommended that if anxiety regarding rejection is severe then to seek the support of a mental health professional is important.

In an interview with Pure Wow, she says, “The risk of, ‘going it alone’ is that, without the support of someone who understands how to approach exposure therapy in healthy and responsible ways, pushing yourself head first into the kinds of situations you can fear can actually be traumatic in ways that will increase your fears, rather than reducing them”… and this makes total sense. 

There is a lot of work to be done on oneself before you throw yourself into the deep end. Everything in life must be done in small steps and taking your time to work through issues is essential.  

With that said, self-lead rejection therapy can do amazing things for those who feel ready and are looking to branch out of their safe place and shift their reality.

You already don’t have it, so what’s the worst that can happen?! Maybe you don’t get the job, and maybe that person isn’t your soul mate, but what you could have is progression.

Jia Jiang of the Rejection Therapy website has become one of the world’s biggest inspirations for overcoming fear of rejection. In one of his TED talks, he explains the importance of putting yourself in uncomfortable positions where you may get rejected. He describes how a ‘No’, can be turned into a ‘Yes’, with a ‘Why’. 

He tells an anecdote of how one day he approached the house of a stranger, with a flower in his hand, and asked if he could plant the flower in his garden. The man replied ‘no’ and so Jiang chose to ask ‘why?’

The man explained that he had a dog who would dig up the flower and so he did not want to waste the plant. He then recommended that Jiang go across the road to someone else’s house who loves flowers. Later that day the flower was planted in a happy garden.

This story emphasises the importance of not letting rejection define you as a person but rather letting your own reaction after rejection determine who you are. 

Stop counting yourself out of situations. Put yourself out there,and you might even find that rejection is a redirection!

Words by Shauna Whyte 

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• rejection theory