What’s The Craic With Love Languages – And How Do You Find Yours?

EYNTK about LLs

If you’ve been watching Love Island: All Stars, you’ll be aware of a few things.

The first is that none of these people will work on the outside. The second is that South Africa is very windy this time of year. The third is that everyone is obsessed with their ‘love language.’

Their love language is this, their love language is that, their love language is not the same as their partner’s and therefore they’ll never work.

The very concept of having a love language has taken over that villa, and by extension is has now taken over our lives too.

But what even is the story with love languages, how can you find yours, and should they hold any real bearing on your relationships?

What is a love language?

A love language is a framework a person uses to determine what is most important to them in a relationship, and the ways they most like to give and receive love.

The five predominant love languages are as follows:

1. Words of affirmation: You like to give and receive love most through words, messages, and other verbal forms of affection, like saying ‘I love you.’ Reassurance through words is very important to you.

2. Quality time: Spending time (and making time) for one another is how you best like to show love. Organising dates and hangouts shows that you care, and you expect the same effort to be made for you.

3. Gift gifting: You like to give gifts that you know a person will appreciate, and feel loved when the same is done for you. Gift giving isn’t necessarily about spending money – a gift could be something handmade or a token of appreciation.

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4. Physical touch: Physical gestures support love more than anything else. Hand holding, kissing, cuddling, and other intimate forms of touch are the main way you express love.

5. Acts of service: This love language involves going out of your way to do something special for another person to show that you care – like picking up their shopping when they’re sick, or grabbing them a coffee in the morning. It’s the little things.

How can you figure out your love language?

A person can have one or more love languages, or choose to rank them in order of what’s most important to them.

The easiest way to figure out your love language is to simply consider all of the above, and decide which one(s) are the most important to you.

Alternatively, you can also take one of the many online tests available, like here and here, to see what your LL is.

Are love languages important?

Knowing your love language can be a nice way to prioritise what’s most important to you in relationship, but they don’t necessarily need to act as a marker towards the type of person you should be romantically involved with.

Sure, it might be nice for two physical touch focused people to be together, but that doesn’t mean that it won’t ever work between a couple who value acts of service and gift giving respectively.

Using love languages can be a helpful tool in expressing what’s most important to you in a relationship, but if you find you’re blaming your strained romance on mix-matched frameworks, it might be time to look beyond the trend.