We're in too deep.
1. Your Saved Items tab is a wonderland that’s about 50% things you might actually buy, and 50% feather jackets and €300 dresses you just want to imagine buying
2. You’ve never been as dedicated about anything as you are about checking to see if something is back in stock in your size. You’ll do it every hour of every day until it is yours
3. The best feeling in the world is when you check your Saved Items to find something’s been randomly reduced
4. And the worst feeling in the world is checking your Saved Items during a sale to find that NONE of them have been reduced. The rudeness of it
5. You’ve been known to make an order, then spot something else a minute later and make a second order.
6. Even after all this time, the black and white packaging still excites you. Especially the extra-large bags that signify a bit of a spree
7. The courier knows you. Maybe they’ve even said “More ASOS!” to you when you answer the door
8. You’ve always got a parcel in a corner of your room, waiting to be returned
9. You watch the delivery tracker like a hawk. Seeing it going ‘out for delivery’ then being changed to ‘This package will be delivered on the next working day’ fills you with rage
10. You’re annoyed when you can’t try on your purchases immediately. This automatically takes precedence over everything else you have to do that day
11. Realising nothing actually has to go back is a triumph on par with winning a gold medal at the Olympics, probably
12. But most of the time you’re waiting on about €50-odd in returns (and that €50 can make or break you depending on what kind of month it’s been)
13. You’re convinced that the people in your local Parcel Connect shop are judging you every time you come in with a return. Yep, it’s me again with my parcels, how are things
14. But at this stage, actually going to real life shops feels like a lot of effort. And sweat
15. Why do that when your ASOS searching abilities are second to none? Going out top + black + long sleeves + >€50 = success
16. And reading this has made you want to go on right now and see what’s new. We’re sorry in advance 😉
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