The Undeniable Power Of The ‘Let Them Theory’

TikTok is a hub for many theories, and they can vary in usefulness, from the man you met at 19 theory to the taxicab theory.

Without a doubt, one has stood out in recent times: The Let Them Theory. The theory was popularised by Mel Robbins in her 2024 book, and suggests that you can take back control by accepting that you have none.

Robbins spoke about how the theory was introduced to her and imminently changed her life. In an interview she explains, “The fastest way to take control of your life is to stop controlling everyone around you.”

Robbins elaborates by saying “Everybody needs to feel in control and the one thing you’ll never be able to change is another human being.”

Allow me to provide an example: You’re at your friend’s gig and your ex shows up alone. Your mind begins to race: “What’s the motive? Is he here for the music or genuinely trying to get under my skin?”

You know what? It doesn’t matter. The outcome is the same; you’re allowed to feel irritated or shocked, but we can choose whether or not to let an emotion linger and retraumatise us. Let them.

@nicole_doyon When you “let them” you allow them space to show you who they are, how they feel, & what they prioritize #melrobbins #letthem ♬ original sound – nikki

Of course, this theory varies in applicability depending on the severity of a situation, so it’s important to adapt it accordingly.

Ultimately though, the freedom this philosophy brings is invaluable. It tells us that we are the masters of ourselves and ultimately that other people’s personal power over us can be limited by our own thought processes and behaviours. It is highly self-empowering.

Like many popular theories, the let them theory originates from various philosophies. According to Mel Robbins herself, “The Let Them Theory has its roots in Buddhism, Stoicism, the Serenity Prayer, the legacy of Dr Martin Luther King Jr… and therapeutic modalities like Detachment Theory and Radical Acceptance!”

Creators have taken to TikTok to describe the ways in which the Let Them Theory has helped them. Creator @nicole_doyon said “You can use the let them theory in day-to-day interactions, in your relationships, in the workplace, whatever it is.

@avinetra #fyp ♬ original sound – *ੈ✩‧₊˚𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

“If somebody’s grumpy: let them. If somebody cuts you off: let them. If somebody is not texting you: let them.” The versatility of this theory is undoubtedly one of its many merits.

Additionally, creator @avinetra wrote “When I’m trying to explain to them how much their actions have hurt me, but then I remember the let them theory.”

This example is highly valuable for friendships and relationships as it allows us to relinquish control and be at peace with our own role in a situation.

It’s no surprise that this theory is highly popular at the moment. We live in a time where many things seem out of our control, and in reality, they oftentimes are. ‘Let Them’ reminds us that we can only control ourselves and the part we play in our own lives.

It assigns personal responsibility to us as individuals and releases us from the shackles of trying to hold on to people or things that shouldn’t be or don’t want to be a part of our reality.

Words by Sarah Hanrahan